When it was a Workplace Affair…
Was your spouses affair with someone they work with? My husband’s
was. when all the dust had settled, he had to keep working with her, and
I won’t lie to you…at first, that was really hard for me.
He did his best to reassure me that the affair was 100% over, and would find ways to show that I could trust him. Like anyone else in my position, it was damned hard for me. He’d go to work and I’d do what I had to do around the house and whatever else I could think of to keep my mind off of things.
After a while, it finally occurred to me that I had to make an effort to start trusting him again.I had to kind of flip the situation over and see it from a different angle. Instead of trying to find clues that he was cheating ( there weren’t any), I had to find signs that he wasn’t. That was so helpful to me.
Of course there were people who felt that i should tell him to ask to be posted to a position somewhere else, where they wouldn’t be around each other every day, but that simply wasn’t an option. Besides, if I was to trust him and that he was truthful about wanting our marriage, then it shouldn’t matter where he worked or who he worked with. he wasn’t going to cheat. I didn’t want it to be that the only reason he didn’t cheat was because there was no temptation to. I wanted him not to cheat because he didn’t want to.
A big hurdle that I also had to jump was facing the fact that I had to start trusting him again sometime, and if I couldn’t trust him there, i couldn’t trust him anywhere…
I took some time, and it didn’t come easily, but gradually I found myself able to see things from that perspective.
As time went by, the worst part about him still working with her was that i had to see her at his work functions. She tried to talk to me, but I wasn’t in the mood for that. Mind you, she still kept up with her pestering, and even sent him some emails telling him I was cheating on him…which, of course, I wasn’t. She also tried to spread gossip about me, but as time went on, she showed her true nature and people stopped believing her anymore.
I’m so glad that I was able to trust him again. I can honestly say that in the four years since his affair, he’s never given me any reason not to.
He did his best to reassure me that the affair was 100% over, and would find ways to show that I could trust him. Like anyone else in my position, it was damned hard for me. He’d go to work and I’d do what I had to do around the house and whatever else I could think of to keep my mind off of things.
After a while, it finally occurred to me that I had to make an effort to start trusting him again.I had to kind of flip the situation over and see it from a different angle. Instead of trying to find clues that he was cheating ( there weren’t any), I had to find signs that he wasn’t. That was so helpful to me.
Of course there were people who felt that i should tell him to ask to be posted to a position somewhere else, where they wouldn’t be around each other every day, but that simply wasn’t an option. Besides, if I was to trust him and that he was truthful about wanting our marriage, then it shouldn’t matter where he worked or who he worked with. he wasn’t going to cheat. I didn’t want it to be that the only reason he didn’t cheat was because there was no temptation to. I wanted him not to cheat because he didn’t want to.
A big hurdle that I also had to jump was facing the fact that I had to start trusting him again sometime, and if I couldn’t trust him there, i couldn’t trust him anywhere…
I took some time, and it didn’t come easily, but gradually I found myself able to see things from that perspective.
As time went by, the worst part about him still working with her was that i had to see her at his work functions. She tried to talk to me, but I wasn’t in the mood for that. Mind you, she still kept up with her pestering, and even sent him some emails telling him I was cheating on him…which, of course, I wasn’t. She also tried to spread gossip about me, but as time went on, she showed her true nature and people stopped believing her anymore.
I’m so glad that I was able to trust him again. I can honestly say that in the four years since his affair, he’s never given me any reason not to.
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