- Don’t feel that you have to decide anything right now. You may find that you swing back and forth in what you want to do. That’s normal. Give yourself the time and space you need to think clearly.
- Do make sure that you eat regularly and watch your health. Look after yourself. If you can’t eat regular meals, at least try to eat healthy snacks.
- Don’t isolate yourself. Build a support network of friends and family members who you can trust to help you through this rough time in your life.
- Don’t let anyone tell you how you should or should not feel. That being sad, if you are seriously thinking of haring yourself or someone else, get help immediately. Call a friend, doctor or emergency number. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
- Do get tested for std’s. This is very important, no matter what your spouse may have told you. Even if they claim there was no sex, they used protection, or anything else. You need to be tested, even f it’s only for your own peace of mind.
- Do see a lawyer to get legal advice about the logistics of separation/divorce. After all, knowledge is power!
- Do get counseling both for yourself and marriage counseling for you and your spouse.
- Do talk to your spouse about how you feel. If you can’t speak verbally, write it down and share this with your spouse. Ask them to do the same.
When you feel ready to, do talk to your spouse about why they cheated. Don’t accept excuses, but Do accept that there may have been problems in your marriage that you need to work on together.
- If you find them helpful, do read lots of books about dealing with infidelity. Take from them what is useful to you and leave the rest.
- There are many infidelity forums out there…Do look around and find one that is helpful for you.
- Don’t feel ashamed to talk to others about what is going on in your life
- Don’t feel obligated to forgive the other man/woman. Some find this helpful, some don’t. Do what’s right for you.
- Do take time to be kind to yourself.
- Do try to do some things that are new and exciting with your spouse, when you feel ready.
- Do tell your spouse when you are feeling insecure about yourself. They can help you to feel better.
- If there are any letters, gifts, emails, messages, etc. from the other man or woman, do feel free to do with them as you wish. Some reconciling spouses feel that destroying them together can symbolize the final act of moving past the affair.
- Do tell your spouse what you need form them to move forward. Tell them what you need from them to feel that you can trust them again.
- Do expect that there may be situations/songs/ movies, etc. that can bring all the pain flooding back. If that happens, do talk to your spouse.
-Do resist the urge to be “perfect”. Nobody is and it will exhaust you.
- Do assign blame however you see fit. Some people will tell you that you can’t blame the other man/woman as they were not the cause of the affair. Maybe that’s true, maybe not ( nine times out of ten it’s the other man/woman who says that). In my own situation, I assigned blame to my spouse for the decisions he made, and blame to her for the choices she made. It worked for me and didn’t keep me from “healing”
- Don’t be discouraged if it sometimes seems like it’s two steps forward and one step back…as long as you are moving on, it’s all good
- Do know that if you feel that reconciling isn’t for you, it’s okay to end things. Not every marriage is one that will last
- Do celebrate the little milestones of reconciliation. It can be a long and hard road, but it’s so worth it!
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I just found out my spouse is cheat...what do I do now?
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