A cup of coffee changed my life…
I’ve often heard it said that a person is a sum total of all their
experiences blended together with their fundamental personality. In
other words, you take a person with whatever personality they start
with, add to that all the lessons they learn in life, both negative and
positive, and you end up with who they are at any given point in time.
I agree with that, and consider it to be a very hopeful thought. We all have the capacity to learn, grow and change. The real question then becomes ” what will we do to make the most of the opportunity that we have been given”?
Finding out that your spouse has had an affair can be an incredibly life changing experience. It can shake you to your very core, and really change the way you look at the world and the people in it. You find can find that you trust nobody, not even yourself.
An affair can leave you wondering how you didn’t see it coming. Why were you such a fool that you didn’t notice the little changes that were happening right under your nose? What could be so bad about you that your spouse, who you love and trust to always be there for you, to be the one person you can count on in your life, made the choice to do something like this to you?
You may find yourself looking for answers to these questions, plus a whole lot more. Sadly, some of them will never be answered. You just have to accept that, hard as it may be to do so.
I remember that for a long time after my spouse cheated ( and this is while we were reconciling) I’d become a real “people watcher”. He was away ( for his job…he was deployed and had to go) and after I took my kids to school I’d sometimes walk to the little mall in our town and have my cup of Tim Horton’s coffee, and I’d watch the people walking by. I’d see older couples walking together, and I’d wonder if they’d ever been through what I had. When a younger couple walked by, I’d wonder what they had in their future. I basically saw cheating everywhere.
This was made even worse by watching a married woman I know walk by with a man not her husband. My first thought was disgust…how could she cheat on her husband? I was so angry, and then she saw me, walked over and introduced me to her brother. I’m sure my face was red when I spoke with them, but they didn’t seem to notice. We had a nice talk and then they went on about their day.
It was a small thing like that which made me realize that I had to stop doing that. It wasn’t good for me and I was seeing what I wanted to see…I think i was hurting, didn’t trust anyone, and wanted, on some level, to feel much less alone and like less of a “pariah”…
Sure, maybe lots of people do cheat, but a lot don’t. Many people can go on to have very happy marriages after an affair…it’s not an easy road to follow, ut it can be done.
A few days later I went back to the mall, had another Timmie’s and watched people again. This time, I looked and saw happy married couples walking by, very much in love…I felt so much better.
I may be the sum total of my life experiences…they play a huge part in making me who I am…but I can also make a conscious decision to see the good and happy things…
I’m so glad that i did…and to my friend and her brother…thank you
I agree with that, and consider it to be a very hopeful thought. We all have the capacity to learn, grow and change. The real question then becomes ” what will we do to make the most of the opportunity that we have been given”?
Finding out that your spouse has had an affair can be an incredibly life changing experience. It can shake you to your very core, and really change the way you look at the world and the people in it. You find can find that you trust nobody, not even yourself.
An affair can leave you wondering how you didn’t see it coming. Why were you such a fool that you didn’t notice the little changes that were happening right under your nose? What could be so bad about you that your spouse, who you love and trust to always be there for you, to be the one person you can count on in your life, made the choice to do something like this to you?
You may find yourself looking for answers to these questions, plus a whole lot more. Sadly, some of them will never be answered. You just have to accept that, hard as it may be to do so.
I remember that for a long time after my spouse cheated ( and this is while we were reconciling) I’d become a real “people watcher”. He was away ( for his job…he was deployed and had to go) and after I took my kids to school I’d sometimes walk to the little mall in our town and have my cup of Tim Horton’s coffee, and I’d watch the people walking by. I’d see older couples walking together, and I’d wonder if they’d ever been through what I had. When a younger couple walked by, I’d wonder what they had in their future. I basically saw cheating everywhere.
This was made even worse by watching a married woman I know walk by with a man not her husband. My first thought was disgust…how could she cheat on her husband? I was so angry, and then she saw me, walked over and introduced me to her brother. I’m sure my face was red when I spoke with them, but they didn’t seem to notice. We had a nice talk and then they went on about their day.
It was a small thing like that which made me realize that I had to stop doing that. It wasn’t good for me and I was seeing what I wanted to see…I think i was hurting, didn’t trust anyone, and wanted, on some level, to feel much less alone and like less of a “pariah”…
Sure, maybe lots of people do cheat, but a lot don’t. Many people can go on to have very happy marriages after an affair…it’s not an easy road to follow, ut it can be done.
A few days later I went back to the mall, had another Timmie’s and watched people again. This time, I looked and saw happy married couples walking by, very much in love…I felt so much better.
I may be the sum total of my life experiences…they play a huge part in making me who I am…but I can also make a conscious decision to see the good and happy things…
I’m so glad that i did…and to my friend and her brother…thank you
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