Keep calm and stand strong
Things have been really hectic for us lately, and we haven’t had a
chance to go out on a “date” in a really long time. There was movie my
husband wanted to see ( he wanted to see “The Conjurer”), so we decided
to make an evening out of it. We went out to dinner and then to the
show.
While I can’t say much good about the movie, I will say that we had a great time. It was really nice to have a quiet meal out and just enjoy each other’s company.
After we went to bed, I stayed awake for a while. You know how your mind sort of “drifts” while you are trying to fall asleep? I was just lying there, thinking about nothing in particular, when I remembered what had been going on at this time four years ago. Back then, if you had told me that in the future I’d be enjoying a nice dinner and a movie with my husband, I’d have looked at you with an expression of both relief and probably quite a bit of relief.
Back then, he was in the throes of his affair and really “waffling” about what he wanted to do.I was so confused and hurting that I didn’t know what to do…I actually tolerated it, thinking that giving him time to figure out what he wanted would be the thing to make him see that it was me.
Boy was I wrong!
By letting him “time to find himself and what he wanted” I was slowly losing myself. That wasn’t good for either of us.
I finally realized that I couldn’t do that anymore and i had to make a change…not for him, but for me and our kids. It would have been wonderful if he came along with us, but if he didn’t, I couldn’t allow that to stop me.
The first thing i did was to gather information. I spoke with a lawyer etc. to find out where I stood, and once I felt I was as ready as I ever would be-I don’t think you can ever be 100% ready- I spoke with my husband. i told him that I had spoken with a lawyer about divorce, and that if being with his other woman is what made him happy, then he should do it. I told her that too ( in an email message). I also told him that I was willing to give things one more chance, but if he wanted to try and stay together, that meant that it was the end of the affair…full stop.
I remember it really well…it was so hot in the house that it was hard to breathe.I said what I had to say and then just sort of stood there shaking and feeling like I could faint. He looked at me for what seemed like such a long time and then he started to cry. He asked how I could still love him and how things could ever be alright after everything that had happened…I told him they could be, if we both wanted it enough. He said that he did.
We had our first meeting with a new counselor already scheduled for that evening, and the first thing she asked was if we both wanted to stay married. I was so happy when I heard him say “yes”…
Reconciling wasn’t an easy road for us, but it was the right one. Funny how much little things like a night out can really bring that point home
While I can’t say much good about the movie, I will say that we had a great time. It was really nice to have a quiet meal out and just enjoy each other’s company.
After we went to bed, I stayed awake for a while. You know how your mind sort of “drifts” while you are trying to fall asleep? I was just lying there, thinking about nothing in particular, when I remembered what had been going on at this time four years ago. Back then, if you had told me that in the future I’d be enjoying a nice dinner and a movie with my husband, I’d have looked at you with an expression of both relief and probably quite a bit of relief.
Back then, he was in the throes of his affair and really “waffling” about what he wanted to do.I was so confused and hurting that I didn’t know what to do…I actually tolerated it, thinking that giving him time to figure out what he wanted would be the thing to make him see that it was me.
Boy was I wrong!
By letting him “time to find himself and what he wanted” I was slowly losing myself. That wasn’t good for either of us.
I finally realized that I couldn’t do that anymore and i had to make a change…not for him, but for me and our kids. It would have been wonderful if he came along with us, but if he didn’t, I couldn’t allow that to stop me.
The first thing i did was to gather information. I spoke with a lawyer etc. to find out where I stood, and once I felt I was as ready as I ever would be-I don’t think you can ever be 100% ready- I spoke with my husband. i told him that I had spoken with a lawyer about divorce, and that if being with his other woman is what made him happy, then he should do it. I told her that too ( in an email message). I also told him that I was willing to give things one more chance, but if he wanted to try and stay together, that meant that it was the end of the affair…full stop.
I remember it really well…it was so hot in the house that it was hard to breathe.I said what I had to say and then just sort of stood there shaking and feeling like I could faint. He looked at me for what seemed like such a long time and then he started to cry. He asked how I could still love him and how things could ever be alright after everything that had happened…I told him they could be, if we both wanted it enough. He said that he did.
We had our first meeting with a new counselor already scheduled for that evening, and the first thing she asked was if we both wanted to stay married. I was so happy when I heard him say “yes”…
Reconciling wasn’t an easy road for us, but it was the right one. Funny how much little things like a night out can really bring that point home
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