non-stop service to "psychoville"….

Posted on July 17, 2013 | Leave a comment | Edit

When the affair reaches it’s almost inevitable end, many other women and men seem to find it hard to let go. They may lash out, send messages to the betrayed spouse letting them know the full extent of the affair, or they may seem to have a minor breakdown. Most of that sort of thing seems to come from a place of hurt and not so much anger.
It’s all upsetting, but it doesn’t usually last too long. They are hurting, and once they realize that things are over and done with, they let go and move on. One hopes they have learned form the experience and will make better choices in the future, and other than as a painful memory, they are a “non-entity” , at least as far as the marriage is concerned. The damage is done, but it’s in the past.
Sadly, a few other men/women aren’t willing to just let things go that easily. For whatever reason, they hold on and continue to insert themselves where they have clearly been told they are not wanted. This can mean anything from sending a constant stream of emails, unwanted contacts on social media, lots annoying phone calls, and even behavior that is considered ” stalking”. Some will threaten to hurt your spouse, you, or themselves. A small number even resort to violence against people or property.
The other woman my husband got involved with was like that.
I don’t know the reason why she did what she did, and quite frankly, I really don’t care. Her life is not mine, and if she can’t act like a responsible adult, that is on her and not me. ( it took a long time to realize that).
If you find yourself having to deal with an other man/woman who is like that, my best advice to you would be to not put up with that sort of  nonsense. You have the right to live your life without their interference, and you need to let them know, in no uncertain terms, that you will not put up with it. Try writing a letter, signed by both you and your wayward spouse that reiterates the fact that the affair is over, that they are to leave you alone and stop contacting you, your spouse, kids, etc. in nay way. Also make it clear that if they don’t stop, you will seek legal help.
If they continue to contact you, stick to your guns and keep your word. Seek legal help.
Mind you, if their behavior seems obsessive and it makes you feel uncomfortable, or if you are threatened in any way, go to the police immediately. Bring all your documentations with you ( copies of the emails, texts, etc. that make you feel uncomfortable or threatened) and also a copy of the ” the affair is over and I want no further contact with you” letter your spouse sent to them.
The authorities will be able to intervene to make them leave you alone, and if the other man/woman still persists in their bad behavior, don’t be afraid to press charges. I know it’s hard, but in this type of situation, pity or sympathy for them won’t help or change anything. Their minds aren’t processing what happened properly, and you should take any threats they make against you or your family seriously.
In the end, you make actually be doing them a favor. They may be forced to seek some mental health help or counseling, which will hep them to move on in their life and be a happier person.