no quick fix for an affair
In the days after my husband’s affair ended, tings between us were
pretty volatile. We weren’t really arguing, but I think we both felt
like we were walking on eggshells…both of us afraid to take a misstep or
say something that might set the other person off. It was so stressful,
yet, paradoxically, there was a real sense of relief. I felt like I
could breathe again.
We were getting counseling, which helped a lot, but due to forces beyond our control, we were also kind of limited in our time frame. My husband was going to be going away for his job in a few weeks, and he’d be gone for at least several months, and since he was leaving for a job that was going to be very stressful and we’d have very limited contact, there was that to worry about as well.
Part of me really hoped that we’d be able to “patch things up” quickly, and that we’d soon be back to the good place we were in before he cheated….I wanted to be back to normal before he left.
Things seemed to be going along well, but once after all the commotion of the immediate aftermath of finding out he had cheated had died down, we were left with the knowledge that there had been an affair and we had to work through it. There would be no quick fix.
We did what we could to sort through our issues before he left, and we didn’t really talk about them at all while he was gone. We did have a couple of “blips” ( including one major one that was brought about by his ex-other woman being jealous and not being able to let go without giving me one more jab), and he came home.
Unfortunately , postponing working on our reconciliation had put us right back to square one. We had to start all over again, and it was a slow and painful process. At first, I thought we wouldn’t be able to do it, there was so much hurt and anger. It took a lot of understanding and effort ( and a lot of counseling), but gradually and with a lot of patience, we found out way back.
What I am trying to say in this post is that reconciling can take a lone time, and there really are no shortcuts. You have to rebuild trust, forgive hurts, work through the anger. For some, there’s just too much damage and even though you may love your spouse, reconciling isn’t the answer. As sad as it is, divorce may be he best option.
The good news it that for many, reconciliation can happen, but you have to be patient and not rush it. You can make it…just give it time.
We were getting counseling, which helped a lot, but due to forces beyond our control, we were also kind of limited in our time frame. My husband was going to be going away for his job in a few weeks, and he’d be gone for at least several months, and since he was leaving for a job that was going to be very stressful and we’d have very limited contact, there was that to worry about as well.
Part of me really hoped that we’d be able to “patch things up” quickly, and that we’d soon be back to the good place we were in before he cheated….I wanted to be back to normal before he left.
Things seemed to be going along well, but once after all the commotion of the immediate aftermath of finding out he had cheated had died down, we were left with the knowledge that there had been an affair and we had to work through it. There would be no quick fix.
We did what we could to sort through our issues before he left, and we didn’t really talk about them at all while he was gone. We did have a couple of “blips” ( including one major one that was brought about by his ex-other woman being jealous and not being able to let go without giving me one more jab), and he came home.
Unfortunately , postponing working on our reconciliation had put us right back to square one. We had to start all over again, and it was a slow and painful process. At first, I thought we wouldn’t be able to do it, there was so much hurt and anger. It took a lot of understanding and effort ( and a lot of counseling), but gradually and with a lot of patience, we found out way back.
What I am trying to say in this post is that reconciling can take a lone time, and there really are no shortcuts. You have to rebuild trust, forgive hurts, work through the anger. For some, there’s just too much damage and even though you may love your spouse, reconciling isn’t the answer. As sad as it is, divorce may be he best option.
The good news it that for many, reconciliation can happen, but you have to be patient and not rush it. You can make it…just give it time.
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