Let's Talk About the Other Man or Other Woman

One of the topics that people always seem to want to talk about when it comes to affairs is the other man/ woman…who are they, what do they look like, what did the cheating spouse do with them, how are they different?
 

In my case, she was a serial other woman who preferred to date married men. Personally, I don’t understand why anyone would want to do that…what is the attraction? After all, they can’t be with her full time, they can’t let anyone see them together, they can’t go anywhere anyone would recognize them…

With people like her, I think she gets off on the idea that someone elses husband finds her attractive enough to cheat on his wife with and it's quite exciting. It’s a boost to her self esteem, and she really doesn’t give a damn who gets hurt in the process….as long as she gets her ” fix” all is right in the world.  I also don’t think she likes other women very much. She sees them as competition for her, and if she can make them feel bad, that’s an added bonus…

Mind you, there is also the pragmatic side of it. By sleeping with married guys she works with, she moves up in her job. They also buy her things and take her places that she could never other wise afford.  They pay for her favors and she loves it that way.

There are other women like her out there…emotional vampires who suck the very life out of others and then move on…they see themselves as somehow above everybody else, and in many ways act like the schoolyard bully form your childhood…but watch out should you cross them…

There's also those who feel entitled to whatever they want in life. From their point of view, there is nothing wrong with dating married person. It all fits into their ethos. These are the moral relativists...the people who fashion their set of values to whatever suits them or best meets their needs. To them the only "wrong" is something that hurts them, not someone else. 

Of course, there is another side to the story…

Some other women aren’t serial women…some are lied to by the married guy. He says he’s separated or divorced and makes it sound like he’s a free agent, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. These women really are used in a really shabby way, and as far as I’m concerned, they are right up there with the betrayed spouse in terms of pain and damage done to them.

Which brings us to the type of other woman who I  call ” the opportunist” . She doesn’t go out looking for a married guy,but if he finds one she likes, or if one hits on her, all of sudden he’s fair game and they’ll find a million excuses as to why their affair is okay. They are deeply in  ” lurve” ( insert eye roll here) , they are ” soul mates” , his wife is a witch who just doesn’t understand him or some other such nonsense. These are the ones who cry and moan and beg for sympathy and pity when the affair ends. No one can ever understand them, and anyone who doesn’t agree with them or calls them out about their actions just doesn’t see the world in “shades of grey’ the way they do. Oh, they tried to repel him, but he just kept coming and coming until she had no choice but to give in.

 Oh please! Give me a break! Don’t they remember all those “just say no” tv commercials :).  They say he doesn’t love his wife, if he did he wouldn’t cheat. They feel that he invited them into his marriage so why should she feel bad? You know the type…the self entitled, whiny ” me first” girls…and heaven help if anyone calls them out about their behavior. how dare someone "judge' or "shame' them like that!

Next, we have the type of other women who really does regret what she has done. The affair ends and she feels terrible about the pain that it caused. These other women are usually decent people, who did just make a stupid mistake that they feel bad about. They are just like me in a  lot of ways, and I really think that a lot of other women fit this description.
 
Lastly, there are the proverbial ” bunny boilers”. These can be any one of the above types who either is a few bricks short of a load to start with, or they just sort of crack when they don’t get their own way.  They  lash out at the betrayed spouse, her children, her ex married man, and anyone and everyone else.  her behavior can range form annoying to downright dangerous. The other woman in my situation was like that…more about her in later posts.

I used to think all other women ( and men too) were the same, but they aren’t…they come in many varieties, so it takes a variety of ways to deal with them…

Most seem to want to be left alone when the affair ends. They don’t want you in their life any more than you want them. If this is the case, then it’s best to leave her alone unless you have questions you want to ask.You're not going to get anywhere by contacting her.