Gaslighting and why it stinks…
There are some people who wonder how a spouse could be having an
affair and yet their husband or wife has no idea. How could they not see
the signs? Either they are too dumb to see them, they were too
“disconnected’ form their spouse to see them, or they did see them and
just didn’t care.
The simplest answer to this is that most married people love and trust their spouses. they are honest themselves, and so they mistakenly assume that everyone else is too. Sadly, this is not the case.
Most people do recognize there is something a bit ” off”. Some cheaters are very good at hiding it, and some become sullen, grumpy and just plain nasty.
This is where “gaslighting” comes into play ( see the “gaslighting” on my blog for a description of how this works.
I think that a lot of other men and other women want to believe that the betrayed spouses sees and knows what’s going on and simply doesn’t care. Maybe this makes it easier for them to be with a married person. it assuages their guilt and makes them think that they really aren’t hurting anybody.
In my experience, most of the other men or women who say that have never been married themselves, and they have no idea how the dynamics of a marriage works. If they have been married, it was often dysfunctional, and they project that on to the marriages of others.
In the end, many betrayed spouses have no idea they were being cheated on until they find out for sure i what is commonly referred to as a “d -day” ( i don’t like that term, so I try not to use it). That’s when their world comes crashing down and they are devastated. they’ve had no real way to prepare for it, and it leaves them crushed.
The simplest answer to this is that most married people love and trust their spouses. they are honest themselves, and so they mistakenly assume that everyone else is too. Sadly, this is not the case.
Most people do recognize there is something a bit ” off”. Some cheaters are very good at hiding it, and some become sullen, grumpy and just plain nasty.
This is where “gaslighting” comes into play ( see the “gaslighting” on my blog for a description of how this works.
I think that a lot of other men and other women want to believe that the betrayed spouses sees and knows what’s going on and simply doesn’t care. Maybe this makes it easier for them to be with a married person. it assuages their guilt and makes them think that they really aren’t hurting anybody.
In my experience, most of the other men or women who say that have never been married themselves, and they have no idea how the dynamics of a marriage works. If they have been married, it was often dysfunctional, and they project that on to the marriages of others.
In the end, many betrayed spouses have no idea they were being cheated on until they find out for sure i what is commonly referred to as a “d -day” ( i don’t like that term, so I try not to use it). That’s when their world comes crashing down and they are devastated. they’ve had no real way to prepare for it, and it leaves them crushed.
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