A day in the life of a reconciled marriage…

Posted on August 31, 2013 | Leave a comment | Edit

When one thinks of an affair, an image that often springs to mind is something that is a bizarre combination of glamorous, lecherous, devious, ridiculous and monstrous. As I noted in a previous post , the view that is so often in the mind of the other woman is only the glamorous and “soul mate” part.
They like to point out how well they are treated by another woman’s husband, while the wife is siting at home feeling and being miserable.
I will admit that many times during the affair, the wife ( or husband, lets not leave the betrayed husbands out) is being treated miserably. she is miserable, not because of any wrongdoing on her part, but because her husband, out of guilt, cruelty or simply stress , is treating her like cr@p.
There is, however, another side to this.
Reconciliation can be a brand new start.
There are the birthday, anniversary and other special cards sent to the betrayed spouse signed with hugs and kisses from the wayward. There are hugs, kisses cuddling and yes, much more that the affair partner would like to believe, sex. Together, they raise the children that are a living, breathing and very tangible expression of that love. They dance together when their songs comes on the radio or iPod, they sing the words and share private jokes that no one else could ever understand. They cook together, walk together work on the house together, pay bills together. They look at family photos together, talk about what it will be like when the kids are grown and on their own. They talk about the news, sports, what’s going on in their lives and everything else under the sun, and at the end of the day, they curl up together in their bed and still the love sis there, giving them sweet dreams and a deep rest that is unlike any other.
Sometimes, they just sit together and “be” with one another. No words, no action, no “drama”.
Their love permeates every room in their house, and finds it’s way onto every crevasse, no matter how small, of their lives.
Of course, that’s so hard for an other man/woman to hear. The married person has a whole other life without them in it. They may think of them sometimes, but more than likely, they are not pining away for them. They are living their lives.
Take us, for example.
We woke up late with our arms and legs tangled around one another. It was a chance to stay in bed a bit late, as our kids were still asleep ( may as well let them get some extra rest before school starts up again next week) . Since they were still asleep, we locked our door for a little ” adult” time. We snuggled some more and watched a show on our laptop, then got up and shared a cup of coffee in the quiet of the kitchen.
Once our kids were up, we got them organized, working together to get them breakfast and give them a good start to their day.
Once everyone was ready, we all went out for a drive and to do some shopping. Funny thing is that when we are out together, we often hold hands, walk with our arms around one another or we are just walking really close together, and we get a lot of approving smiles. I think people like seeing a husband and wife with a bunch of kids in tow and happy to be together.
My husband picked out a book for me that he thought I’d like, and i picked him up some fresh pastries.
We came home, had lunch, did some work around the house and then went out to visit a relative. We came home, had supper, put on a fire and relaxed with out kids. After they went to bed, we talked for a while and then went to bed, where we had some more “adult time”. Since I’m a light sleeper, I woke up and decided to write.
Everywhere you look in our house, you see evidence of the love we have for each other. The things we pick out we do as a team, and we take each other into consideration when choosing the decor, furnishings, etc. One of his paintings sits about our fireplace mantel, and he’s happy that I like it so much that I want it displayed where everyone can see it.
We don’t have to hide, we don’t have to worry and wait, we don’t have to search for hidden meaning in each others words and we don’t have to walk on eggshells. Our lives are our own, and no one elses.
We do go to fancier cocktail parties and dinners. We do give each other little “just because” gifts. They are not tainted with betrayal, sadness and dishonesty the way gifts to an other man/woman are.
In short, we are living honest, loving lives. We don’t need a quick fumble in the darkness of some anonymous hotel room or other hidden spot for our intimacy. ( unless that’s what we want to do wink, wink, nudge nudge ). It is front and center in our lives.
Since my ( unwanted) crash course in infidelity some years ago, I have heard and read about quite literally hundreds of affairs, and I have to say that not one of the stories can compare to the love and intimacy in a marriage that has been successfully reconciled. It’s like comparing lemons to oranges. A bright and delicious orange to a sour old lemon. While the affair lemon may be glossy and lovely to look at from the outside, once you get inside, it’s as sour as can be. The marriage orange is just as sweet on the inside as it is beautiful on the outside.
It’s really too bad that an other man or woman can’t see the truth for what it is. after all, maybe if they allowed themselves to see just how good a marriage can be, maybe they would want that for themselves and would not be content to follow the trail of breadcrumbs that likely will never led them back out of the deep, dark woods.