The horrible thing about triggers…

Posted on June 6, 2013 | Leave a comment | Edit

You’ve made the decision to reconcile, and you’re working together to make things right between you again. You’re getting counseling, your making sure to be open and honest with each other. You’re finally starting to feel a bit better when out  of the blue it happens.
You see or hear something that reminds you of an affair and all of a sudden all the hurt, sadness and anger comes crashing back in and you feel like you’re right back at the beginning when you just found out about the affair. Many people refer to these things as “triggers”, as they are a trigger for all the bad feelings to come rushing back.
It can happen when you drive by a restaurant, motel or even a part of town where you knew your spouse and the other man or woman would meet. The are the things that you would expect would make you feel bad.
There’s also triggers you don’t expect. You may be watching TV, listening to the radio or even just going through your daily routine when it can happen. Maybe the lyrics of a song remind you of the cheating or there’s a show about infidelity that brings it back.  If your spouse’s affair mostly took place online, then seeing them at the computer can do it.  Sometimes it’s just certain things your husband or wife says or does that are perfectly innocent but they somehow bring it all back.
This can be crazy making, but there are things you can do about it.
If it’s places like certain parts of town, parks or restaurants, try facing them head on.  Go for a meal, a walk or a drive there with your spouse and reclaim those areas by making new and positive memories there.
If it’s things around the house, tv shows, song lyrics, etc. , I would suggest taking some deep breaths, calming yourself and letting the feeling pass. If they don’t, then talk to your spouse about how you are feeling. Let them help yu through it, and use it as an opportunity to talk and bond together even more closely. Turn a negative into a positive.
Triggers can be heart wrenching, but if you face them head on together, they too shall pass.