For many people, finding out that your spouse has cheated and had an affair can be a huge blow to your self esteem. You may find yourself wondering just what it is about you that caused your spouse to have an affair.
You may find yourself wondering about the other man or woman. What are they like? Are they prettier ( more handsome), smarter, funnier, better job, more successful or just plain better than you?
The most likely answer is “no”.
thee is this somewhat stereotypical view of the other man/woman being somehow glamorous, but the reality is usually very different. Oftentimes, when a spouse actually sees what they look like, it can be a bit of a shock. They are just average people.
Finding this out can be a double edged sword. On one hand, if they were drop dead gorgeous, one might be able to understand the affair as a physical attraction. If they are just average, what made them worth risking the mararige over?
the simple answer is that it likely wasn’t ‘them” per se, but rather something in your spouse that allowed them to cheat. Maybe they have poor boundaries and didn’t recognize when a  friendship was becoming too close, maybe they have some issues in they life that they haven’t resolved and they acted out…each case is different.
No matter who the other man or woman may be or what they look like, once the affair is over, they are  a persona non grata…you are not in competition with them, and your spouse chose you. I know it’s really hard not to compare yourself to them, and to not wonder if they are better when it comes to things like sex, affection and even household chores…
Just know that whatever it was that they brought to the table, it wasn’t good enough for your spouse to stay with them…
take stock of all that is wonderful about you and be proud of all your strengths and everything you have to offer
most importantly…be kind to and love yourself