A friend in need…

Posted on August 7, 2013 | Leave a comment | Edit

Have you ever asked yourself if you made the right decision when you chose to reconcile? Did you sometimes feel as if you just wanted to throw your hands up and cal it quits” If so, you’re not alone.
Lots of people feel that way. It’s a tough road to follow and no matter what you do, there will be someone who will feel you are doing the wrong thing. At a time when you probably already feeling pretty shaky, that can sometimes push you over the edge.
This is why it’s such a good idea to surround yourself with people who support you in your decision. While you don’t want have a bunch of ‘yes men”, you also don’t want to have a group around you who make you constantly feel as if you are going down the wrong path. You’re probably already feeling really bad, and that can make it so much worse.
This doesn’t mean that you have to give up those friends forever, but it does mean that for the time being, you may have to really cut back on the amount of time you spend around them. Just remember that they are probably being somewhat less than supportive of your choice because they care about you and don’t want to see you hurt again. Recognize that they are well intentioned, but that doesn’t mean that you have to put up with a bunch of nonsense form them.
Perhaps you could try letting them know that you are touched by the fact that they care so much, and that you really do appreciate it, but right now you just need a bit of time to yourself. Keep the lines of communication open with them though. Maybe send them a quick email or text every few days that doesn’t mention your marriage but sticks to more neutral topics.
I was lucky. My friends who knew about the affair were very wonderfully supportive of me in whatever decisions I made, but they were worried I’d be hurt again. they told me this, and we talked about it. Their concerns were valid, but not necessary.things turned out really well for us.
If you have tried this and your friend still won’t stop being negative, then you really need to ask yourself if that is someone you need in your life right now…are they doing you more harm than good? If they are, it may be time to make the difficult decision to end contact with them, at least until you are in a better place in your marriage. Again, they may simply be concerned for you and not want to see you hurt, or they may also be transferring their own hurt and anger from a similar situation in their life on to yours. that’s not healthy for either one of you.
In the meantime, if you are feeling down, here’s a song to remind you that you are not alone…don’t give up