revenge affairs
One thing that I have heard of happening when a betrayed spouse finds
out about their spouses cheating is that they may decide to have a ”
revenge affair” .
There’s several reasons for this and based upon the stories I’ve heard from others who have done just that, and here are a few of them:
- I was so hurt and angry I wanted to hurt them the way they hurt me
- I wanted to restore a sense of ” balance” to our marriage.I wanted to reconcile, but as long as I knew there was this factor in our relationship, I didn’t think we’d ever get past it
- I felt like I deserved it
- I felt really bad about myself, and knowing that someone wanted to have an affair with me was the boost I needed for my self esteem
- I was really vulnerable, and didn’t say ” no” when I should have
I’m sure that there are lots of reasons besides these that people would give for having a revenge affair, but the real truth about them is that they don’t really fix anything, and any “boost” that a person gets from them is only temporary.
You may have a brief boost to your self esteem, but after that, you’ll just end up realizing that you went against your own set of morals and values, and you’ll end up feeling worse.
Any sense of balance you achieve will be temporary…you’ll still feel hurt and angry, and now you’ll also be angry at yourself for cheating.
No one ” deserves” to cheat or to have a spouse cheat on them.
In the end, you have to be able to live with yourself and the choices you make. A temporary fix is just that- temporary. In the long run, the short term gain just isn’t worth it….you are so much better than that.
There’s several reasons for this and based upon the stories I’ve heard from others who have done just that, and here are a few of them:
- I was so hurt and angry I wanted to hurt them the way they hurt me
- I wanted to restore a sense of ” balance” to our marriage.I wanted to reconcile, but as long as I knew there was this factor in our relationship, I didn’t think we’d ever get past it
- I felt like I deserved it
- I felt really bad about myself, and knowing that someone wanted to have an affair with me was the boost I needed for my self esteem
- I was really vulnerable, and didn’t say ” no” when I should have
I’m sure that there are lots of reasons besides these that people would give for having a revenge affair, but the real truth about them is that they don’t really fix anything, and any “boost” that a person gets from them is only temporary.
You may have a brief boost to your self esteem, but after that, you’ll just end up realizing that you went against your own set of morals and values, and you’ll end up feeling worse.
Any sense of balance you achieve will be temporary…you’ll still feel hurt and angry, and now you’ll also be angry at yourself for cheating.
No one ” deserves” to cheat or to have a spouse cheat on them.
In the end, you have to be able to live with yourself and the choices you make. A temporary fix is just that- temporary. In the long run, the short term gain just isn’t worth it….you are so much better than that.
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