nternet forums…can they help?
In the days and weeks after you find out your spouse has been
unfaithful, you may find that you are desperate for any information
about affairs that you can get your hands on. You might read a lot of
self help books, browse internet forums, and look for any other source
of help that you can find.
I was like that, and here are my views on some of the different sources of information.
As usual, these are just my own opinions. Your own experiences and views may be very different.
Self Help Books- personally, I’ve never been one to read self help books, as I don’t find they really “speak” to me. That doesn’t mean they aren’t helpful though. Over the years, I’ve heard the names of many different books mentioned, and each one of them had people that found taht it really helped them understand what was going on.
My best advice to you when it comes to these books is to take your time and choose one that really suits you and your particular situation. Take a look at some of the online retail book sites and you may even be able to read an excerpt before you buy. This is a great way to find out if taht particular book is right for you.
It may sound like strange advice but I would suggest that, at first, you read the book somewhere private. Sometime,s reading can lead to “triggering” and you may find yourself a bit overwhelmed and emotional. You don’t want to be in tears on the bus ride home -lol
If you find one that says exactly ow you are feeling, I encourage you to ask your spouse to read it and then talk about it together.
Internet Forums- There are many internet forums out there that address the topic of infidelity, and some are much better than others. Some take a very hardline approach, while others are more “gentle”. As with books, I encourage yo to take your time and find one that’s a good fit for you.
One word of caution… when checking out a site, please be careful. Some are more helpful than others. the best site that I found was one that allowed input form betrayed spouses, wayward spouses and other men/women. This may sound like a strange combination and like it would be the worst thing for you when you are hurting, but for me, it was helpful.
In my time on that site, I learned a a lot about why affairs happen and also ways my husband and I could help to keep him form making the same choices in the future. It was a huge relief to find out that the vast majority of other women weren’t the “evil temptresses” that I had thought they were…they were people just like me, only they made different choices. Many of them got out of their affairs and became stridently anti-affair, and a few even became my friends- I’ll- never- actually- meet-lol. ( I would share the name of that site and provide a link, but sadly, the site has really changed and I can no longer recommend it…it’s become much more “affair tolerant’ if not outright “pro-affair” and this is not what someone who is recovering form infidelity needs when their wounds are fresh)
A great piece of news is that there will soon be a forum that will be a place where betrayed spouses, other men and women and wayward spouses can come together to heal from the devastating effects of an affair. I am lucky enough to know the person who is starting it, and I can honestly say that her forum will be a place you’ll definitely want to visit. As soon as that site is up and running, I will share the link to it.
In the end, your best bet is to gather as much information as you need to from whatever sources you may find helpful. As always, think carefully about what you read. Decide if the information applies to you and your situation. Share what you learn with your spouse and marriage counselor.
Reconciliation takes time, but it can be well worth it
I was like that, and here are my views on some of the different sources of information.
As usual, these are just my own opinions. Your own experiences and views may be very different.
Self Help Books- personally, I’ve never been one to read self help books, as I don’t find they really “speak” to me. That doesn’t mean they aren’t helpful though. Over the years, I’ve heard the names of many different books mentioned, and each one of them had people that found taht it really helped them understand what was going on.
My best advice to you when it comes to these books is to take your time and choose one that really suits you and your particular situation. Take a look at some of the online retail book sites and you may even be able to read an excerpt before you buy. This is a great way to find out if taht particular book is right for you.
It may sound like strange advice but I would suggest that, at first, you read the book somewhere private. Sometime,s reading can lead to “triggering” and you may find yourself a bit overwhelmed and emotional. You don’t want to be in tears on the bus ride home -lol
If you find one that says exactly ow you are feeling, I encourage you to ask your spouse to read it and then talk about it together.
Internet Forums- There are many internet forums out there that address the topic of infidelity, and some are much better than others. Some take a very hardline approach, while others are more “gentle”. As with books, I encourage yo to take your time and find one that’s a good fit for you.
One word of caution… when checking out a site, please be careful. Some are more helpful than others. the best site that I found was one that allowed input form betrayed spouses, wayward spouses and other men/women. This may sound like a strange combination and like it would be the worst thing for you when you are hurting, but for me, it was helpful.
In my time on that site, I learned a a lot about why affairs happen and also ways my husband and I could help to keep him form making the same choices in the future. It was a huge relief to find out that the vast majority of other women weren’t the “evil temptresses” that I had thought they were…they were people just like me, only they made different choices. Many of them got out of their affairs and became stridently anti-affair, and a few even became my friends- I’ll- never- actually- meet-lol. ( I would share the name of that site and provide a link, but sadly, the site has really changed and I can no longer recommend it…it’s become much more “affair tolerant’ if not outright “pro-affair” and this is not what someone who is recovering form infidelity needs when their wounds are fresh)
A great piece of news is that there will soon be a forum that will be a place where betrayed spouses, other men and women and wayward spouses can come together to heal from the devastating effects of an affair. I am lucky enough to know the person who is starting it, and I can honestly say that her forum will be a place you’ll definitely want to visit. As soon as that site is up and running, I will share the link to it.
In the end, your best bet is to gather as much information as you need to from whatever sources you may find helpful. As always, think carefully about what you read. Decide if the information applies to you and your situation. Share what you learn with your spouse and marriage counselor.
Reconciliation takes time, but it can be well worth it
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