While I won’t tell you my name or where I live, I will tell you this much.
I am a real person.
For cheating/wayward spouses:
I’m really pretty much like your spouse. I loved my husband before, during and after he had an affair. I still love him today. I may not be perfect, but I am doing the best I can to struggle through our lives together.
His affair killed a part of me that I will never get back. He worked so hard for me to be able to trust him again, and of all the people in the world, I trust him the most. Is it 100%? The sad answer is “no”. I’d give just about anything to have those days back when I would have answered “yes”.
It’s not that I don’t trust him not to cheat, I can honestly say that I don’t think he ever will again. It’s more that I might never trust him again when he says he loves me.
See, when he was cheating, and before he left to go be with “her”, he told me that he loved me. I really believed him, and maybe he did tell me the truth as he knew it to be at the time. My problem is that he was saying that to me, yet he was cheating anyway.
I’d like to think that my feelings about this will change with time. I really hope they do. I can’t wait for the day when his affair no longer colors my feelings, when I won’t worry about every time he’s in a bad mood that it’s a sign that he’s cheating. Given more time, those days will come, but it’s been awhile now, and I’m getting tired of waiting.
For the other/men women:
If you’ve ever wondered what you married person’s spouse is like, they are probably much like me, and not much different from you. They are no better or worse than anyone else. They live their lives the best way they know how. They may not be angels, but they are likely not demons either. If you met them and didn’t know who they were, you might even like them.
Many other men and women have to vilianize or even depersonalize the betrayed spouse. It’s so much easier to be in an affair with someone’s spouse if you think that they, on some level ” deserve ” to be cheated on.
But you know what? No one deserves that kind of treatment.
I once read some internet posts by some other women who were proud of what they were doing. They took great pride in the fact that a man would “love” them enough to cheat on his wife with them. They didn’t care that it hurt her, and on some level, I think they found it funny. Does that sound like the person you want to be?
I don’t know what he/she tells you, but when they go home, they likely are still living a normal married life, and perhaps even doing their best to make it so great that their spouse won’t be suspicious. They are probably still sleeping with their spouse, still having sex, still saying ” I love you ” to them.
They likely don’t know a thing about the affair, and when they find out, it will rock them to their very core. How do you feel about being part of something that will hurt someone so very much?
One more thing to keep in mind…should the spouse find out about the affair, you can expect that your married man/woman will suddenly want nothing more than to keep their marriage intact. Some betrayed spouses accept that, and some tell their cheating spouse to leave. A few will, but many of them will cry, beg and do anything they can to save their marriage, even if that means hurting you. It’s so common an occurrence that it even has a name…” getting thrown under the bus” happens a lot of the time.
When it come right down to it, don’t you deserve better than this? Don’t you deserve to be someone’s one and only and not second fiddle?
For betrayed spouses:
I am not that much different from you. I could be neighbor, friend, relative, the person you work with, just about anyone.
There seems to be a series of things that betrayed spouses go through after they find out about the affair that are almost universal. That’s why I started this blog. For a long time I participated in online infidelity forums, and I realized that most people had stories much like mine. While the details may be different, the overall feelings and experiences are very similar. If I can get through it, if they can get through it, so can you.
Some more details about me:
Here are a few things about me that I want to share:
- I am a real person who is telling the truth about my life. No one was paid to make up a story and post it here…it’s all too real.
- We were married about 12 years when my husband cheated. We reconciled, and are still happily married, over 17 years now
- We have several children, and some of them have significant health issues. I stay at home to look after them. I do some online work to earn some extra income…it’s not much, but every bit helps.
I hope you continue to read my blog, and feel free to comment or share your own stories.
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